Im not gonna cry no more

yes yes yes i know the wait is over. I finally put up a new blog!


"And I’ve got nothing to sayI can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face I was confused Looking everywhere only to findThat it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind So what am I What do I have but negativity ’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me Nothing to lose Nothing to gain hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own"

thats a little snippet of linkin park- somewhere i belong. thats my shit. Ive been having these feelings and i couldnt express them till i found this song lol.


In other news. Im looking for an apt. and a job lol (yea right). im cutting my hair. this time foreal. Im going to let it grow out some more then snip snip! lol. imma grow it natural. im working on my new look. I dont think ima loook much different lol. but i think it goes with my attitude. like over the years i learned alot about people and how alot of people looked over me or should i say just pushed me away. i never really stood up for myself. but now you cant tell me shit! Im my own boss. lol but seriously I got my head up high now. and im glad. you should be too lol.

ugh! writers block! im might edit some other time or maybe not lol

just an update for my fans lol

A little bloggin for ya noggin <33333

How quickly I broke him down

ok im back lol 2nd posting woot woot!

i felt like posting this conversation because i had nothing else to post lol. and ima say where he messed up at. fuckin lame. he was one of my exes and he mustve felt that i was still the person i was before. we was talking on this site called locals and he wanted to finish on aim lol. so here it goes:


him: my fault so why r u single if u are
me: Because I chose to be lol
him: lol i can change that
me: No you cant lol
him: yes i can im super man
me: You broke up w. Me when we was together
him: i didnt want to hurt u natalie
me: Yea well still I Dn'T like that
him: were u mad at me becuz of that
me: No. I didn't care honestly
him: so u didnt care about me:-(
me: No :-D
him: woorrddd lol\ thas not cool i cared about u \
me: Yea sure

NOTE: right there. he was trying to play hes innocent role. even though it was like 2 years ago. and we havent spoken since we broke up. and if he really did care about me, we wouldnt have broken up. bullshit. that whole part was bullshit.

him: yea and when i saw u on localz i was like that cant be her but i went to see anyway and it was
me: Lmao Yea it was me in thew flesh lol
him: ofcourse so i w as missing u so i decided to hit u up and see how far u made it
me: Yea right. All this time I was on myspace. And all of a sudden you saw me on locals you was missing me? Yea sure. I made it good thank you very much

NOTE: lol. he seen the "pics" i posted not "me" and now he misses me. he didnt miss me he misssed the sex

him: wait wait why r u coming at me like that i dont really be on myspace like that and second of all when im on ur not
me: You coulda left me a comment or something IM not coming at you rude iM just saying

NOTE: nows he like shocked because he thought i was going to openly accept him back and hes still playing the inocent role. like myspace works at a certain time lol. its 24/7. leave a comment or msg and i'll get back to you. plain and simple.

him: oh cuz im like hey now did u ever think about me
me: I haven't thought about you till you hit me up on locals
him: dam i miss u though and i know u be busy
me: Yea I do
him: but i would like to keep talking to u to catch up if thats ojay with u
me: I guess lol

NOTE: hahaha. look how hes going hard. you gotta play these niggas. like what makes you so important that i gotta think about you? i wasnt thinking bout you nigga! WTF you can play"catch up" but your not catching up with this pussy. lol thats hurts they pride. it doesnt matter how cute they are. if you show that your not open you will have the control and the more they will go hard to try to wife you or show they true colors(which is trying to beat)

him: hhhhmmmm do u think we can ever go out again in the future
me: No
him: why not
me: Why should I?
him: i just asked maybe i wanted to see wat a real relationship i could of had with u but u just shited on me
me: You shitted on me
him: how
me: By breaking up w. Me

NOTE: dickhead. how i shitted on you? smh

him: r u serious
me: No (NOTE: hahaha why be serious? i dont give a fuck about you)
him: oh natalie it was nt even like that
me: How was I going to get hurt?
him: i didnt want to cheat on u and break ur hurt but im more mature and i no that i can have a serious relationship with some one and not play games so i wanted to try with u

NOTE: bullshit. he just so happened to see my pics and how much i have upgraded seein the pics. seen how my ass got fatter. almost made it seem like i was a new girl. He had to get some of this. by the way at this point i checked his myspace and he was in a relationship lol


me: Oo ok well you should've been mature then...its a little too late jabari
him: ohh im sorry i didnt mean for this concersation to go like this(NOTE: he didnt expect it too)
me: Me neither but you kept going about it
him: sorry didnt mean to waste ur time (NOTE: i hurt his ego lol)
me: -laughs- Its aight
him: dam i messed up lol (NOTE: damn right hahaha hes tight but he hides it with the "lol")
me: Yea you did -laughs- oh well people learn from mistakes
him: u tryna play me
me: IM not trying ;) (NOTE: once again confidence)
him: but i wanna get wit u (NOTE:"i wanna fuck you")
me: But I Dn'T lol
him: why not
me: Because your history lol Your old news Dn'T you understand? We can be cool peoples tho (NOTE: hahaha i had to play him at this point he was getting on my nerves. i have something he wants and hes not getting it)

him: iight cool ppl lol i was jus kidding i dont wanna go out wit u i just wanted to say hello

(NOTE:i called this feeling the burn lol. his pride was hurt so he tried to take back everything he said so he doesnt look like the lame he realy is that is how you gain power over men. pathetic. he just gave up. what a loser)

me: Yea right Llmmaaooo Your a character
him: lol im an ass hole :-*
me: Yes indeed (NOTE: hahaha what you thougt i was going to say no?)
him: iight im bout to sign off later
me: Bye

NOTE: you see how he changes it up at the end. hes just tight because he couldnt get no love from me. he hasnt hit me up eversince that day(which was 3months ago i saved conversations with my old guys i delt with to see how much ive grown). so do you think he so called "care" about me and wanna get back with me? no. like i said i got something he wants and he was trying to go so hard for it. when you play niggas like that you exspose their true feeling about you. thats why you show dudes no love because a real dude will go really hard to wife you. and he didnt. i even gave him the benefit of the doubt that we can still be cool. and then he switches it up to he was just kidding. smh. dickhead still coulda played the i wanna get to know you role but he just gave up and said that bullshit which is telling me you didnt want to be with me you just wanna beat. every situation is different but he was so easy so i couldnt really go into depth with it.



P.s. gotta bad reputation?? tryna change it?? tryna shift the axis of power?? it doesnt matter if you fucked ya whole hood. you can have these niggas on they knees eating out the palm of your hand. i can show you how.

a little bloggin for ya noggin <33333

peace.

blah

ok i decided to edit lol. i dont know what to talk about lol. im sitting here typing naked because its MAD HOT!!!. hahahha

ima write about how people think im dumb lol. that seems to be the new crave.( i think thats the phrase lol) well im not lol i know more shit about you than you think i know. hahaha i am like really bugged the fucked out! like idk i think differently now.

rikers:
that just popped in my head lol. i wanna write about my trip on rikers island. ugh! it sucks now because now i cant say i have a clean record now lol. and no for the lame ones im not boasting on being locked up b/c its not cute. however i did learn alot about bitches there and how they act and how they can be grimey ( like i didnt already know) but i guess you can say it was more exsposed. no i didnt get beat up or anything. idk i just kinda stayed to myself. i did see this one fight when i was in the pin on my way to court. hahaha i felt bad for this one girl. but anyway. the bed is mad hard. like i couldnt sleep comfortbly. food was aweful. i coulnt take it there. too many rules. they check you like every 5 minutes for a contraband.(weapons, drugs, etc.) and they did count like every 2 minutes just incase anybody escaped (which i dont see how) or committed suicide. i also went to school and i went outside in the yard. the yard was fun because they played music lol. it was definately an experience that i would never forget. but thank god for my baby & fam for visiting me and putting money on my account so i can make calls and eat the other food they had. well its was more like junk food but it was better than the messhall food lol.

the bookings:
i hated it! i stayed up for two days. couldnt shower for 3 days! i was stinking but i was blaming it on a crackhead that was next to me lol. but yea i was sitting on this bench because the mats were taken. my back was hurting. of ocourse the food was wack! bitches fighting. lol A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRACKHEADS!!! i was like wow are you serious? i thought i was going to be put in my age group lol. but i just remembered that once your 18 they charge you as an adult. bummer. but yea they had me cracking up lol. so i waiting for them to call my name and i found out i was in night court. when i as called to the judge i couldnt understand not one thing my lawyer was saying to the judge but i saw i was going back to the pin and i wasnt going to be release unless i was out on bail. so i ended up in the rikers pin. called my gma and explanned the situation (the phone upstairs was free thank god). i was kinda pissed off that my uncle didnt bail me out but hey i got over it. and then i was on my way to rikers. the inmate bus had like little pins in it. lol i was like WOW they have cells on the bus! hahaha thats crazy.

my bestfriend:
11.12.07 thats our date. so we been togeher for 8 months now. i ride for him. hahaha i was speaking to someone about the situation and they was like you would go down for a nigga? and i said yes. nobody understands our situation. but i stayed down for him. the cops was saying i was going to do 10yrs i knew that was a lie they wanted to scared me to snitch. hahaha but thats what real people do they hold it down. i held it down for him on the inside and he held it down for me on the outside. thats a long ass story to write about him so i'll save it for later lol

my future:
well college might be deaded still unsure. if it is im going to a trade school and pick up a trade. not like a trade to find a job but something i can put to use when i start my business. hahaha i be damned to find a job again smh.
1. its like odee hard.
2. i never get called for an interview
3. or i never make it pass an interview.
4. believe me i tried my hardest i looked on the web and actually walked around in stores.
5. most jobs that im available for dont pay enough lol

until next blog. peace.